Thoughts

Acceptance of Loss

It is a month since my friend had her life shattered to pieces. She is very young, a teacher, with two girls aged 7 and 3. She lost her husband to Covid-19, 13 days after they celebrated his birthday together.

From September 17, every day,  her Facebook had updates of memories of all the moments which they spent together.

Most of them were of him as a doting Dad, singing Karaoke with his girls, pouting for photographs, braiding their hair, and playing guest, drinking tea from mini teacups. Watching those souvenirs which they had collected as a family, makes you feel like a voyeur invading their sacred sanctuary.The wringing of your heart , you accept as the penance.

Her accompanying thoughts have everything that she wanted to say to her husband but missed saying when he was with her and her grievances to God who summoned him without a warning.

They reflect her turmoil oscillating between grief, the loss that she is yet to come to terms with, determination to move on for her girls, and berating God for showing no mercy.

 “I hate you God “,  “ You took him away too soon” ” I haven’t had enough time with him”.

I read those posts and it makes me think about them every day and how unfair life can be. I start typing words that I then delete, not knowing how to console her. I do not have the right words that could assuage her pain.

Philosophies like “this too will pass” and “time will heal” is not going to help one bit.

All I can do is hold her tight and not let her be carried away by the flood of her tears and emotions.

When Paul Hamilton Hayes wrote: “This too shall pass away”, he must have meant the moment.

The moment of misery and moment of joy do pass away with the spinning of the earth’s axis.

But, not the pain that was inflicted or the rapture that was celebrated.

Once the moment is long past, remembering that loss, may not be a part of your daily routine, but you do happen to stumble on those memories. And when you do stumble, you fall hard, on the same scars that you thought were healed.

 It hurts with the same magnitude of pain which you felt before.  The scars, once again become wounds, which bleeds as heavily as it did earlier.

 All the times when I joined her in her reminisces, I could only manage to remind her that she has to be brave for her two little girls.

For her, the moment of losing her loved one has not yet passed. It is playing in a forever loop. She has not yet acquired the time stone to break that loop.

She needs more time for her wounds to heal into scars. For it was her heart, that was shattered into pieces.  Life stabbed her when her heart was frozen by the suddenness of her husband’s affliction. The damage cannot be undone. But I hope that she finds magic in the form of love and a purpose to accelerate that healing

short story · Thoughts

An Episode From Life

This short story was my entry for the below picture prompt.

She knew exactly where to find her.

Sue locked the front door of her cottage and headed out to the lake gathering her jacket. She wondered if Heather has carried hers.  The evening chill was slowly creeping and she felt the cold caress of the wind on her exposed cheeks.

Heather was agitated and she had the reason to be.

Sue tried to gather the right words and keep them ready to use, even though she herself did not know if they would be good enough to guide her friend safely through the storm which was brewing in her matrimony.

Heather had found a resort booking with details of one room under the name of Allison plus one, in her husband Harry’s mail.

She did not mean to snoop. But her instincts were tingling, triggered by his late office hours and an assortment of flimsy excuses for coming home late.

The booking was for the weekend. She nourished the improbable hope that, it was just Allison, Harry’s assistant, who would be going for the business meet. When he left, Saturday morning for the meet at the resort, Heather did not confront him. Instead she left for her sanctuary. Her best friend Sue and her cottage near the lake.

Sue found Heather, at their usual place and settled next to her.

“What did I do wrong? Heather’s voice was barely a whisper.

Sue put her arms around her friend. “Don’t shift the blame towards you, girl. Harry knew what was at stake, when he embarked on his adulterous relationship. “

“Maybe he wasn’t happy with me”

“Cut it out Heather. I knew how happy you were together. If happiness was running low, you don’t go searching for it in the arms of another woman. You talk and sort out your issues.”

Silence descended between them, riding on the wings of the peaceful evening. The crest of the faraway mountain was gilded with snow, like an angel at the apex of a Christmas tree.

Sue said “ Fall is almost over girl. Trees never remain bare, with their dead leaves gone. Life starts all over again for them. Does it not fill you with hope? We will get through this. “

Heather leaned towards Sue and rested her head on Sue’s shoulders.

“Yeah. I am sure we will. “

poetry · Thoughts

World Through Her Eyes

Once again in my dream

I saw you in your balcony

In the glow of the early evening sun

You had your paisley print dress

And you were leaning against the railings

Lost somewhere faraway, in thoughts.

I watched your abrupt smile

Eyes closed to the gentle cool breeze

Your twilight tresses coming loose

You lazily tucked it behind your ears.

There was something about you

That drew me in and tethered to you.

I wished I could live in your reveries

And see the world through your eyes

You stood still, unperturbed by the life below

Your gaze somewhere at the distant horizon.

You didn’t see the children playing

Or the road side vendors bargaining.

People walking their dogs,

Or the pensioners talking,

Seated on the benches along the side-walks.

My eyes trailed you from my open window

And my soul imbued with the image of you.

For my eyes were surrendering their vision,

Losing their sight to Fuch’s Endothelial Dystrophy.

Never did I know then, that you would give up.

And leap down from the same balcony.

Finally looking down, only to summon death.

Your eyes donated, restoring someone’s sight

And that someone would be me.

My wish granted,

Now seeing the world through your eyes.

Thoughts

The Secret of Happiness

What makes you happy?

Moments spend with people you love, being in the possession of all things that you desire. This will be the answer of most people.

People who work with me do say that my happiness is infectious. People who have moved on, do call sometimes when they feel blue, saying that speaking to me makes them feel better.

I am bragging. But I do hear that all the time.

I guess it is because, I feel happy and I work on staying that way.

What I have realized, few years into my adult life is that, happiness is a gift that you have to present yourself.

If you wait for that person whom you love, to make you happy, you might keep on waiting. Your wait will end in disappointment when you fail to receive the kind of happiness you anticipated.

I don’t wait to be gifted. I see something I wish to have, I buy it for myself. The gifts I receive from others, I do accept them with a grateful heart. It is like an extra cherry on top of the icing on my cake which I already bought for myself.

I have my happiness pinned on myself. I find ways to restore my smile. I am my therapist.

I am not an eternally happy and cheerful person. I have my deranged alter ego who sometimes understudies for me. I regain the control by indulging in stuff that would slowly swing me back to my sunshine persona.

Since I do not need another person to make me happy, it is also easy for me to forgive people and move on.

“You make me happy” is a statement that makes you vulnerable. You are handing over immense power to the other person who may or may not be worthy of that power. You can say those words to someone. But tell yourself ” I make me the happiest”

Only you know what your happy place looks like. You are the architect of your happy home. You have to make the plan, approve it and build it. You have the power to revamp it and rearrange the furniture, anytime you wish.

I know what my happy place looks like. It is my home, my books, my music, my movies, my daily robotic routine which is tossed away on weekends, all those moments that I spent with my loved ones.

Not just those .

Happiness for me is also these.

Watching movie with me , if I don’t have company.

Enjoying my favourite cuisine and drink with me, if I don’t have company.

I do everything that makes me happy in my own delightful company, if my loved ones are busy with their own schedule.

That is my secret of happiness.

Thoughts

Go Girl, Rule The World

Today being the International Day of The Girl Child, I took a moment to recall the faces of all the girls I have taught, who are synonyms of grit. Some are treated as queens and others make a tiara with all their achievements and wear them with pride.

How and Why of International Day of the Girl Child

In 1995 at the World Conference on Women in Beijing countries unanimously adopted the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action – the first progressive blueprint an clarion call for girls’ rights

On December 19, 2011, United Nations General Assembly adopted Resolution 66/170 to declare October 11 as the International Day of the Girl Child, to recognize girls’ rights and the unique challenges girls face around the world.

Where are we with the Gender equality ?

Girls are breaking boundaries and barriers posed by stereotypes and exclusion, as entrepreneurs, innovators and initiators of global movements

There is discernible progress in the construction of a world that is relevant for them and future generations.

All said and done, the change is slow paced.

Look at some facts.

1) Worldwide, nearly 1 in 4 girls aged 15–19 years is neither employed nor in education or training compared to 1 in 10 boys of the same age. By 2021 around 435 million women and girls will be living on less than $1.90 a day — including 47 million pushed into poverty as a result of COVID-19.

2) 1 in 3 women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual violence. Emerging data shows that since the outbreak of COVID-19, violence against women and girls (VAWG), and particularly domestic violence, has INTENSIFIED.

3)At least 60% of countries still discriminate against daughters’ rights to inherit land and non-land assets in either law or practice.

4) Women make up more than two-thirds of the world’s 796 million illiterate people.  According to global statistics, just 39 percent of rural girls attend secondary school. This is far fewer than rural boys (45 percent), urban girls (59 percent) and urban boys (60 percent).

5)A large gender gap remains in women’s access to decision-making and leadership.

6) On average, women around the world spend more than twice as many hours as men doing unpaid work. performed at home, from childcare, cooking and cleaning, to collecting water and gathering firewood in communities without electricity and running water. In India, women spend an average of six hours a day performing unpaid work, while men spend only one.

7) Women across the world currently bear the majority of childcare .

8) Examples on Gender discrimination which is encoded into law in countries across the globe.

  • 113 countries do not have laws to ensure equal pay for equal work among men and women
  • 104 countries make certain jobs off-limits for women.
  • 39 countries have laws that mean a daughter cannot inherit the same proportion of assets as a son.
  • 36 countries limit what wives can inherit from their husbands;
  • 29 countries restrict the hours women can work;
  • 18 countries allow men to prohibit their wives from working;
  • 17 countries limit when and how women can travel outside the home.

It is imperative that talk and action on Gender equality should not be constrained to just specially allotted days.

Empowerment begins at home.

The change is perceptible in the atmosphere world-wide. When generation Z takes full charge of the world we currently inhabit, we would see a planet populated by a global community with egalitarian outlook.

Till then we move ahead with the hope that we will live to see that day when all will be treated with equal rights.

Go girl

Burst the bubbles that traps you in.

Don’t wait for them to crown you.

Instead make your own.

Facts collected from https://www.un.org/en/observances/girl-child-day